Date-ology

I've just discovered this awesome counselor-Dr. Cloud-through this book my brother recommended, "How to Find a Date Worth Keeping." He's so real. So not like a lot of christians out there. Not to sound bitter or anything. But sometimes I think we as christians don't know what to think, so we take an overly "spiritual" view of things-hoping to be on the safe side. But this guy is sound. Check it out.

Is it Just Me?

Is it just me, or does this Imus controversy seem to be more about the "racial double standard" than the fact that he said some really terrible things. I mean, there's a difference between free speech and talking about racial issues and making derogetory remarks.
A more thorough column is coming-as soon as I get my thoughts together...What do you think?

Tax Season

Uggh! Depressing...Have to come up with money I don't have to pay the government "what I owe." Give me a break!
Maybe they'll take blood. If I'm lucky. At least blood regenerates itself. Money just disappears.

Freedom Found in a Little Black Dress

Yes, it's true. I was liberated from heart break by a flirty little black dress. How can that be, you ask? Well, I'm glad you did.
On a shopping whim with a roommate last year, I splurged on a completely irresponsible and unecessary, yet totally adorable-translation must have-dress. And being that I had no occassion to where this little number-keeping with the "unecessary"theme-it sat in my closet for much of that year. Occassionally, I'd take it out, try it on, admire myself in it (embarrassingly admitted), and hang it back up.
You see, I decided this dress should be saved for a date with Mr. Heart, aka longtime crush, on whom I hoped my charms, nudges, hints, and all out pursuit of would win. Yet, as the days passed as usual and the phone sat silently misplaced, the Cinderella inside protested, "Where, oh where is the ball? When will Prince Charming come? And more importantly, will I ever be invited?" Not only did I want to be rescued from the drudgery of everyday life; I was hoping for the beauty inside of me to be revealed and cherished by the man I loved. The dress was the means to feeling that beauty, but it meant nothing without Mr. Heart's appreciation. "All dressed up and nowhere to go," is the old cliche that, oddly enough, rings true here.
So...it's not like the fairytales. My life did in fact go on. I did what I suppose anyone else would do. Packed up, moved on-literally-but I kept that dress. I even wrote a poem about it. I navigated my way through the stages of grief:denial (it might still happen), sadness (it's never gonna happen with this guy), anger (why didn't he like me?!), and acceptance (hey, it's not gonna happen and I'm ok). Although, I sometimes waiver between denial and what I like to call hope: It might by some remote chance still happen, but I'm gonna live my life.
And in keeping with that theme, a girlfriend called me the other night and invited me to go swing dancing. I went to my closet, went straight for that little black dress, and was the belle of my own ball. It felt great! Maybe it wasn't such a frivilous purchase after all.

Glass Half Full

Who hasn't heard that old cliche, "The glass is half full, you idiot!"? Or something like that.
(I firmly believe in the use of artistic license). Apparently, I also believe in tangents- digressing...

The power of a positive mental outlook struck me on a visit to a nursing home last weekend. Upon entering the facility, I was arrested immediately by the smell. And I say "the smell" because such an odor is difficult to describe. The air contained a mixture of old and/or sick people, cafeteria food, bathroom smells, and recirculated air. In one word the smell was repulsive. I felt an instinctive pull back towards the door marked exit. And I wondered when on earth these people got to see the outside world, if ever.

Those residents not confined to their rooms scooted about in their wheelchairs in the home's common areas. They looked like a living cemetery-people just waiting around to die, but who for all intents and purposes are dead already.

Then I visited one resident in particular. By the books on the shelf and the degrees on the wall, and the limited amount I was able to communicate with him, I gathered that he was an intelligent man with dreams to travel the world. Yet, apparently those dreams were cut short some time ago by a catastrophic health crisis. And so here he is, and has been, for years. But what impressed me about him was his laugh.
Someone who cannot take care of himself, go where he wants to go, and do what he wants to do-laughs! I think he should be sour and bitter, because of what's happened to him, but maybe he's learned to be optimistic in spite of it. When I asked if they had any activities planned for residents on the weekend, he replied, "Yes, but it's my day off." I realized then that if there were any activities planned he probably wouldn't be able to participate in them. Duh! But glass half full, see?

I firmly believe in reality-seeing things as they are-and being honest with yourself. But a healthy optimism can help you cope when life's circumstances overwhelm you. Because although life throws all it has at you, you can deny its ability to defeat you. Perhaps my friend has learned this secret, and every laugh is a victory cry.

Back to California and the great unknown

Me, about to board the plane back to Cali, to try my hand at massage-literally. "Am I crazy?" is a question I've often asked myself since that fateful day. And why is there no fear on my face? Ah, because ignorance is bliss! That poor girl at the airport has no idea what's in store for her!

Short Story Part One

Bella felt the alarm go off, as opposed to just hearing it, each sound jarring her into action. Namely in turning the blasted thing off. Replacing that dreaded clock was low on a long list of to-dos. Except when she had to wake up. Of course, the clock could be replaced for something more soothing and inviting, but what about her life? Might as well accept it and deal with it. Mary Poppins was indeed fantasy. Most of life's medicines come without a "spoonful of sugar."
Enough dillydaddling. Enough thinking. Up, up and away!

She sprang up and out of bed without giving herself time to reconsider, or even think about the fact that it was 4:30 in the morning. A wave of jealousy swept over her as she thought about the greater population who held conventional jobs-asleep in their warm beds. Perhaps they struggled to wake at 8:30, pitying themselves for having it so rough. "Somebody has to do it. Why not me?" She answered herself out loud.

Being a nurse allowed for few questions and no pity, just a warm body. She hopped in the shower, grateful for the warm water and the quiet, though she jumped out almost as quick. Within 15 minutes Bella had keys in hand and one foot out of the door. Stethoscope-check. Pen-check. Scissors and clamp-check,check. Nursing had brought a military-like precision to her movements. She laughed to herself, remembering her promise to "never join the military." No, she never joined the army alright. Smart girl...

Top Ten Reasons I'm Glad to be Single

10. I can watch girly chick flicks at any given time.

9. Shaving is optional

8. The toilet seat is always down.

7. I'm free to roam wherever my heart desires.

6. I have a chance to get my career together.

5. Mr. Right has an opportunity to find me.

4. I have time to learn how to cook.

3. I know who I am and who I am not.

2. I get to hang out with lots of different people.

1. Long walks on the beach.

Grown Up Halloween-Scary!

No, it's not the nostalgic images brought to mind when you remember childhood Halloweens of long ago. Times when we sat in circles scaring ourselves with ghost stories. It was great seeing who would crack up before the story reached its climax...and who would endure to the end, shrug their shoulders, and deny its chilling effect. The fear of those days was conjured by our own desire for excitement-much like a roller coaster ride. The heights are tall and the ride fast, turning your stomach inside out, but the environment is controlled. Anyone can face a fear that's only an illusion.
But in adulthood, fear meets truth, testing my courage. The scary stories don't come from the other kids down the block, but they reside in my own mind.
Fear: When will you ever find somebody?
Truth:I'm single with no man in sight.
Hmm...Let's keep playing.
Fear: What's the purpose of my life?
Truth: I'm a late twenty-something who has gone through two careers and is struggling to make ends meet.
Yet the idealistic young girl in me challenges such "truth." These facts may be the reality of my life currently, but can one tell the end from the beginning? And isn't there a hero to this story of my life?
So I shrug my shoulders and refuse to be frightened, because the light in my soul is on. Grown up ghosts, though seemingly real, disappear when I refuse to believe in them.

Top Ten Ways to Bring in the New Year

10. Fall asleep behind the wheel for the second time and walk away-thank you, Lord!

9. Change careers and income level brackets

8. See how many address changes you can fit into one year-just for the heck of it

7. Be homeless or, uhh..."adventurous"

6. Party until you land in the ER

5. Go to Alaska and Hawaii in the same year

4. Go to a hot spring and get exfoliated and fill up on water for free

3. Accept the kindness of strangers and family

2. Fall in and out of love

1. Get a tattoo! (Not done yet. What should I get?)

When I Grow Up!

If anyone told me a few years ago that I'd be living in California, practicing massage, I would've suggested that person clean their crystal ball, because the reception's a little fuzzy. Or rather, a lot fuzzy.

But when I put on my corrective lenses, i.e. open my eyes, I see the person with the crystal ball is me. I clearly remember preparing to graduate high school and having the question posed to the mighty class of '96 (the best of the best-of course) : "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" "In 10 years?" These questions-intended as a fun exercise- were asked with the intention of seeing where we actually do end up and how that compares to our self imposed expectations.

Not surprisingly, I didn't have an answer then, and I don't have an answer now. If anyone needs directions to some place unexpected, then plan for nowhere in particular. It's a sure way to get there.

Like the young ones, I'm still striving to answer that question, "When I grow up, I'm gonna be..." Except, I am a grown up, but I'm still waiting to "grow up."

While answering "where will I be" questions can be intimidating, nerve wracking, or devoid of solutions, they can also fuel our passions by bringing our dreams into focus.

Deadlines get things done.

Yet, deciding on goals and pursuing them is just a veneer for something deeper than typically defined success: a good paying job and a comfortable existence. It speaks to purpose. To the little ones, who approach the question, not as a test, but as an opportunity to dream.

And although my dreams have been crushed, or just stuffed away and ignored, I've begun to realize they never do go away. They resurface in the most unexpected times and ask, "Hey, remember me? I'm still here." So, in five years, will I have made any progress in the pursuit of my dreams? It's a question only I can answer.

And one that will define success for me.

Sister Edition

Can anyone say vacation? So far, San Luis has turned out to be the best kept secret of the Central Coast. Entering the town was Matrix like as the hills turned over and enveloped me on the road, all golden brown and dusty looking reminding a little of what fall should look like.
So I get here and my sister's place is less than 5 minutes from the freeway ( right around the corner). The home is quiet, spacious and lived in. The kind where you don't feel weird pulling out the pans yourself and making an egg. The first night, we lounged on the sofa.
The best part was downtown. My senses were tickled as we passed shop after shop selling unecessary but cute wares and foods. On the left a fudgerie that boasted a few fire engine red candy apples with a little granny smith green poking through. The color alone made you want to buy it. On the right were old fashioned book stores with the shelf ladders that everyone secretly wants to climb.
I loved it! It's a town for artists and expatriates that can't afford to leave the country.
It will inspire the writers to write and musicians to play. In fact, I'm going to the Farmer's Market tonight and will hear a local band.
If you're in town, bring a mug of cider, layer up and join us!

Soap Mystery-Mystery No More

Okay, so no one was using my soap.
Thank God I spared myself the embarrassment of asking them directly! I've come to this conclusion through my own personal sleuthing...

It just so happens that the soap caddy hangs semi-directly under the shower head, thereby allowing hot water to hit and essentially melt my bar of soap. Dum, dum, dum.

B-L-U-E

Like to hear it, here it go:

I got the blues...
I got the
"I ain't got no money
can't do nothing
Don't nobody care"
BLUUEEES

Oh yeah!!!

The Things We Do for Money

No, I'm not considering "alternative" means of acquiring gains. But I am in fact seriously thinking of doing the improbable, unimaginable, and inconceivable...(dramatic music here) Folks, I'm looking for a second job.

Yes, yes,I accept any and all condolences. The past few months-wait I've been unemployed and/or part-time employed for most of this year-have been a blast. And quite refreshing to boot. But one does tire of the financial strain at a point. It's a strain I've easily put up with in exchange for the time and rest I've been able to get. But, like a wad of bubble gum stretched to a stringy mass until it becomes as thin as floss, the discomforts of broke-ness have outweighed its benefits.

It's time to get back to the wad. To become one with the wad...to be chewed again in the mastication that is worklife!

As the credit card commercial suggests, many things in life are priceless, but one must spend money in order to enjoy them!
And paper I need to facilitate these priceless moments in my own life.
There are trips to take. Family to visit. Trips to take. How can I get time off of work if I can't afford to go anywhere?!

Now that I've jumped the first hurdle toward financial independence-mental work resistance-the second may not be so easily conquered...namely what can I do and who will hire me?
Job skills and marketability, evidently, are more useful in the "real world" than being able to write term papers. (Of which I've written plenty, on topics ranging from Russia in the Twentith Century to Science Women and Religion, "oh my!"). And by "real world" I mean the paying world, i.e. the "I can afford to buy groceries and feed myself world." Very real.
Keeping it real, ya heard me?

California Dreamin'

Twin sister's in town! Yipee!!
My worlds are converging...Sister suspects I'm in the witness protection program.
1. new name-I wanted to have a nickname okay?
2. new address
3. new job

Well, if I do know anything I can't tell her...
What's wrong with a makeover: life edition, anyway?

Don't worry readers-I know you are- you'll hear from her personally!
She's my special guest writer this week...

Full Moon

If there wasn't a full moon last night, there should have been.
And if you've never had the opportunity to be part of a massive crowd of people, you should.

There is-no, as a newly initiated member of this rite, rather-We have a tradition in San Luis called "bike night." After Farmer's Market, on the first Thursday of every month, bikers take to the streets en masse. In addition to the well selected, or random, depending on your point of view, dress themes (last night was hobo night) and the innovative bike horns ranging from small honks to cow bells, the sheer amount of people riding is enough to insure a "group" mentality. By this I mean one is prone and likely to do what one may not otherwise under normal circumstances.
We hooped and hollered and honked at amused, perhaps bewildered onlookers-As they responded likewise. Maybe in an attempt to encourage bolder and therefore more entertaining behavior.
This, some bikers certainly obliged. One gentleman wore nothing but a red thong. Wow. I wondered if he lost a bet...I guess there was a full moon last night! There was a girl in a cape and a man in a diaper (I don't think he rode).
But hey, all participants were protected from insult, ridicule, and expected social norms by that invisible force field "The Group." I rode under its auspices last night and it felt good!
Insert disclaimer here: In the event of emergency or fight or any situation whereby an individual must act, said group mentality becomes not fun and/or dangerous. Ride at your own risk people!

Psalm 48:1

Great is the Lord and greatly to be praised
in the city of our God!

His holy mountain, beautiful in
elevation,
is the joy of all the earth...

Adventures of Swamp Girl in Mountain Land: Part Deux-Disassociative Career Identification Disorder

Hanging out here in career limbo, the vortex of listlessness for young adults-and older ones who haven't found the exit porthole yet...is fun for a few months. But I'm starting to get antsy.
And I've already bought the "find out what you wanna do with your life without us telling you directly" self-help books.
Oh how I wish someone could just assign me a career based on those personality tests of old! "Hey, you, farmer!" Then I would have someone else to blame for my frustration and angst. Yes, angst.

The thing is, I want to figure this thing out and pursue it before life catches up with me. I'm determined not to be the woman who looks at her three kids pulling at her skirt, cooking dinner for her husband and blaming them for unfulfilled dreams. No way!

Well, as my sister says, "Time reveals all." In the meantime here's a list of potential money paying activities. Open to new additions:

1. Nurse on a cruise ship. Exact duties unknown. Aspirin and alka seltzer for hangovers?

2. Continue in massage. Start school in January and get the extra hours needed to become "therapist." If I ever make enough money to do this! Better yet, will I want to do enough massages to pay my way through school? Massage being a very relaxing type of job can be a double-edged sword.

3. Post office. Too much control, yet employee is "taken care of." Guess you can't have one without the other.

4. Musician. Of course, I could pursue my childhood ambition without regard to financial predictability and/or stability. That's an idea...One I can't seem to escape. Not as long as I'm looking for a fulfilling career.

5. Anything else within my moral limits.

Roommate ettiquette

To all Emily Post like people out there...what is appropriate to share or not share with roommates?
Food? Okay. As long as you don't take the last of anything.

Soap? Not okay. Went to take a shower and my bar of soap was all little and broken-you know how it gets when you get to the last bit of it. Can this be? In "Real World" tradition, we'll have to have a house meeting tonight. But maybe I'm just imagining things. Maybe I'm the only one using the soap...Must not rush to judgment. Hmmm...mysterious

Any comments appreciated